The denim dress and the propsal

As requested by Melissa.

Jimmie and I had been going out toegther for about 4 months. We were already pretty mad for each other but it was still early days so we lived seperately and were in the courting phase. He is a guitarist and at that stage was in this well know Melbourne swing/bluesy band called The Redliners. How I loved that band. One Saturday night they had the support gig for a well known American swing band royal crown revue very cool gig. Anyway I went out and bought this very cute little one off denim dress that was a little bit rockabilly and a little bit country girl and a whole lot of cute. The crowd would be full of cute rockabilly girls and boys and people into swing and blues and of course my love Jimmie would be on stage and I wanted to look my best. I must admit I did look great as this was pre baby pre sitting on my bottom for work etc etc so I had long swinging hair, red lips and a hot bod. A couple of Jimmie's band mates told him that night to watch out for me cos I was hoit and other guys would probably try to hit on me. Anyway the bands played really well, we all had a fantastic time and then after the gig some of us went and kicked on at this bar in the city which Jimmie and I were frequenting a lot in those days Cherry Bar. So we had some drinks there and chatted and listened to the music and as it was packed just got into the vibe of the place. We were having the time of our lives.

Some of the crowd that had been at the gig were now at Cherry Bar too and we knew some of them so I was off socialising. I was especially talking to oneof my favourite rockabilly guys called Chris who was the spitting image of Brian Setzer. Anyway this guy Chris was English and was telling me how he was being sent back to England because his Visa had run out and I thought that was very sad and was asking him if there was anything that could be done about it. He was like "No" and i said "How about if we get married?" would you be able to stay then?" He was adamant that he couldn't and that wouldn't make any difference. So after a while I went back to find Jimmie to tell him the sad story that Chris was being deported and how I had offered to marry him and Jimmie was understandably horrified that I had made such an offer. He said "What you can't marry him!" I said to him "it was only for the Visa" and he replied "No you can't marry him you should marry me" and I said "Are you serious? And if you are serious then get donw on your knee and ask me properly". And he did. In a packed inner city bar in front of hundreds of people and some of our friends he got down on one knee and proposed. I went around the bar telling all of these strangers and we dranks champagne til we went home. The next morning we both woke with slight hangovers and asked each other "Do you remember last night? Were you serious?" Once we established we were both serious we got up and rang our families with the good yet surprising news. They were ecstatic.

So was it the dress, the alcohol, the mood of the night, or was it the threat of other guys, we will never know but all I do know is we are still together today and although lots has changed and we have been through some tough times together we are still here 8 years later and still love each other. Wonder what happened to Chris????????

A post about me (aren't they all)

Yay tagged by Lyric

Which language do you want to learn? I would love to restudy French or pick up Japanese.

What do you love most about where you currently live? The rent and the proximity to the city (can you beat 11kms). Also I love that both of my children have been conceieved here.

What is your favourite colour? Purple.

What is your favourite piece of clothing in your own wardrobe? The very cute denim dress that I was wearing when Jimmie proposed to me that I have only worn once (one day I will fit into it again!) oh and this black cardigan with bell sleeves that I shrunk ages ago but have never had the heart ti get rid of it because I loved it so much.

Describe your personal style? A little bit of sexy rock chick with a side of mum!

If you had $300 now, what would you spend it on? A new car stereo or a bunch of maternity clothes from Ripe Maternity.

What are you going to do after this? Watch Farmer Wants a Wife, drink milk and then go go to bed at 9.30, ah the wild life of a pregnant, working mum of a 3 year old.

What are your favourite films? When night is falling, The Sweet Hereafter, Gattaca, Breakfast at Tiffany's, Puberty Blues, any David Lynch, Peter Greenaway or Tim Burton film, most horror films.

Do you collect anything? Maybe DVDs but not obsessively.

What makes you follow a blog? I love reading about other people's lives, there is a bit of a voyeur element to me.

Do you like to comment on blogs or just lurk? I mostly just read but do the occasional comment.

What's one thing you dream of doing? Buying a house, owning a mustang and becoming a primary teach ooohh sorry that was three.

What is your biggest regret? Not accepting the offer of a wealthy ex boyfriend to pay off my car loan for me (no strings attached) but I would be forever tied to him in a way so glad I didn't do it.

What is your favourite thing to do on a rainy day? Be inside watching the rain from indoors.

Do you have a tattoo? No but have always wanted one and think I may still get one or two.

What are your favourite books? Anything by Paullina Simons, anything by Jodi Picoult, lots and lots too many to name here.

Describe your ideal holiday. An island resort with pools, cocktails, seafood buffets, beaches, warm weather, sleep ins, etc. Or USA unlimited time and money in New York, San Francisco and wherever else takes our fancy.

I tag Melissa and Kisses

I'm here again

Well I am back again again feeling happier and fatter. That's right I am 14 weeks pregnant yay hip hip hooray and hallelujah. I am still feeling very wary about it all but after seeing our newest little one at our 12 week scan two weeks ago I must say I felt very relieved. I think though that I I will only feel completely at ease once I start to feel movements. I am so excited ot be sharing this journey with my lovely friend Lyric who is about 11 weeks ahead of me and it is her second bub too. Dylan was 8 months old when her little girl was born so this time she is ahead and our babies will only be 10-11 weeks apart.

I have had morning sickness which really only ceased last week and I have actually had a day here and there still of it which is annoying but as long as I eat I manage to stay on top of it. And on the subject of eating well I have already gained 5 kilos eeeekkkkkkk and as I was 3 kilos heavier than what I had hoped my pre-pregnancy weight would be I am seriously behind the eight ball in the weight gain stakes. So I have to be really careful this trimester not to gain too much and again in the third trimester. I gained 20 with Dylan and do not want to do that this time because it is so hard to lose afterwards. Other symptoms at the moment are tiredness and sore/itchy boobs.

I am predicting a boy this time but DH predicts a girl so we will see who is right. I have my fave boys names picked out just have to get Jimmie on board with them and then work on the girls names. We have decided not to find out this time, we found out with Dylan and this time I want a surprise. If we can hold out at the 20 week scan.

Anyway great news all round. I have my first midiwfe appointment today as I am going to have this baby at a midwife run birth centre so that will be interesting. See you all soon.

Back again

Well I have been slack but I have also been very sad. Sad about losing our little angel and sad that my husband has had to be away so much working on the stupid house in Sorrento. Well I can feel a little happier now as he is home again after being not so graciosuly thrown off the job by my mad mother, oh well it is her house and it is her money she is wasting. So apart from my bitterness about how the whole thing has turned out I am rather chuffed to have him home again, yay.

So we have just started trying again and I am at the end of my first cycle TTC post miscarriage and I think it will be a big fat negative as my temps dipped this morning and I have spotting. Oh well on to thenext cycle I guess. I really want to be pregnant I feel so sad about not being pregnant and I am starting to feel infertile which I cannot be because I have fallen pregnant 4 times over the last 8 years but sadly only have one baby to show for that. I feel as though everyone around me is just getting pregnant and I am being left behind. I want to say I know I will have myself another baby but I don't know this. I really still want to have three babies and time seems to be slipping away. I also did not want this big a gap between Dylan and his brother or sister. He is about to turn three and so he will be heading towards four when another one comes along if I get pregnant and it sitcks that is. I guess I shouldn't feel so gloomy about the whole thing but I can't help it. I think if need be we will have use a fertility specialist but I hope it doesn't come to that as I know it will be very expensive. Sigh. Wish I could feel positive but it is very hard to at the moment. I bought our angel baby a willow tree figurine http://www.willowtree.info/ and so I have one for Dylan and one for the baby I lost. Myhusband doesn't like them but I do I love them. They are quite girly I suppose so I can see why he wouldn't like them. Too bad they are staying.

Anyway enough of my doom and gloom I will do a sunny post about Dylan (my beautiful treasure) soon.

I'm sorry to have to tell you.....

Sadly we lost the baby.

Thursday a week and a half ago I started spotting but it was pink spotting like I had with Dylan so I thought it is ok, it will be ok. Then it continued on Friday and Saturday but more brown spotting old blood which I thought it is still ok. On the Saturday I went to my GP to get my 12 week scan referral and mentioned the spotting to him and he brushed it off saying it is normal. So on it continued and so I called the Uptrasound place on Monday and got in on Tuesday and so took the day off. By this stage the spotting was heavier but not period heavy and still pink. But I had some cramping though very mild and I realised my boobs had stopped hurting and I no longer felt that full feeling in my womb. I was scared. I cried many tears between Saturday and Tuesday, I was swinging between the thoughts "It's ok everything is ok with the baby" to "It is all over". By the time I went for my ultrasound I was convinced it was all over but I felt a slight glimmer of hope that they would show me my healthy 11 week old baby on the screen with a beating heart. As the ultrasonographer was scanning my uterus she never showed me the screen, instead she kept it turned away from me. She said to me "How many weeks pregnant should you be?" I knew, I just knew as soon as she said those words that the baby was gone. Then she asked me if she could do an internal I agreed knowing it was all over. When she was doing the internal she stopped and put her hand on my arm and said to me "I am sorry to have to tell you this but I can see a baby but there is no heartbeat. The baby died at 8 weeks" I just said "Ok" because what was the point of crying to a stranger, I saved it all for home. She asked me if I minded if she got the doctor to give a second opinion and he came in and said the same thing that the baby died at 8 weeks. Sigh.

This wasn't supposed to happen to me. I have a perfectly healthy boy and I had a wonderfully normal and healthy pregnancy with him. Why not another one the same. I am so ready for another baby why did this have to happen now and to me. I want Dylan to have a baby brother or sister. I was so happy to be giving him a playmate. But now it is not to be.

I am sad, so sad. Too sad to be able to tell anyone how sad I really am. Dylan keeps me going as I have to keep going for him. If there was no Dylan I would be in bed crying all day. But there is Dylan and he is my little boy and I love him and want him to be happy and not know Mummy is sad. I am so glad we kept the news of the baby from him now I don't have to explain that no baby is coming to him.

We will try again, in fact we will try as soon as I have my next period but I kind of thought my TTC days were behind me for now at least. It is annoying to have to jump on that bandwagon again. It is not romantic and it is stressful.

The Ob/Gyn I saw and who did my D&C said we can start trying as soon as my next period comes which is good. I hope it happens quickly but it may not. As we have had two miscarriages in a row now, we will be able to have things looked into by him if another miscarriage is to occur. I hope hope hope I do not go through another one. He also said we could have the foetus and myself tested for genetic abnormalities but we declined this as we have a perfect Dylan so we should be able to have another perfect little one.

We will keep on going and we will have our pefect second baby. He or she is out there waiting for us. I am hopeful of this.

Big boy bed

Dylan is in a bed yay yay yay. He has gone so well in his 'big boy bed', which is really his cot transformed into a junior bed. I am so proud of him. Jimmie and I set it all up on Thursday and when Dylan got home from daycare I told him about it and he ran into his room and said "oooohhhh" as he does and climbed up to have a go. And he has slept beautifully in it ever since, if I had known it was going to be this easy I would have done it ages ago. He doesn't really get out to play at bedtime instead laying in his bed chatting to himself. He loves to pull up the covers by himself and he also has to arrange his mimi poo and scarecrow under the covers with him, so very cute. We had not had a falling out incident as yet or a getting out of bed and crying at the door incident either, what a good boy I have. Next job toilet training and dummy removal (before bub 2 comes).

Feeling hot hot hot

It is 43 degrees here ins Melbourne today, too bloody hot for me and my liking. Yesterday it got to 43.2 and my sleep last night was very disrupted. We don't have aircon in the flat we live in and although I have lived here for 12 years and should be used to it I am not. There is no relief in sight for a few days either. I have skipped work because I feel too sick and too hot and too tired to go. I know my office is airconditioned but its really getting there and getting home in the searing heat and with connex as our train network that has turned me right off going. So I am lazing around at home in front of the fan, sparying myself with water and dabbing my brow with a wet facewasher. I took Dylan to daycare because they have airconditioning and at least he will do some activities as opposed to if he was here with me I would be lying on the couch thinking please amuse yourself. Poor little man. His room last night was the hottest in the house, I just had him in a nappy and the fan on him, but it was still hot, although he slept really well, lucky thing.

Jimmie and I are going to remove the sides off Dylan's cot today and make it into a junior bed, hooray for Dylan. He is growing up into a big boy and needs a big boy bed. We will buy him a single bed and bedroom furniture when we move into our house. So tonight may be interesting with sleeping for him, I am sure once he is asleep it will be fine but getting him to go to sleep will be the challenge. Oh and he has learnt how to pull his own covers onto himself righ during the heat wave, LOL. At least I know that by winter he will be fine to be out of his sleeping bag and alright with his doond and sheets and will be able to pull them up himself if he kicks them off. He has been loving hopping into mum and dads bed and pulling up the covers. I really feel he is ready for this big step. Will let you know how it goes.

Off to melt some more.

Sick

Bleuurgghhhh I feel sick. I jave felt nauseous on and off (though more on) since Thursday and I wonder how long it will last. Here I was wishing for symptoms and now I have them I want them gone. I have not vomited but just feel blah. With Dylan I felt sick from weeks 7 to 10 and then it stopped. I am nearly week 6 and so it has started earlier hope it finished earlier or it continues and if we believe the old wives tales it means I am having a girl.

I had a beautiful boys name picked out but have found out it is my bosses middle name and so have decided we cannot use it because he will think we named baby after him and we don't want that.

May have to resort to some ginger something to help with this all day sickness. I have been eating whenever I feel it but if I continue that I will end up the size of a house which I am trying to avoid. Hmmmm will see what I can do.

Oooohhhhh two lines!

Now that I have told my dear darling friend Lyric I can tell you dear blog. I am pregnant pregnant pregnant with baby number two yay hip hip hooray. And up there is the test to prove it.

After 3 months of trying, then my chemical pregnancy in September which I consider a miscarriage (though some wouldn't), and then three more months of unsuccessful trying, I had actually been given a referral to a Gynaecologist who is also a Fertility Specialist and I was going to discuss my period issues with him and my lack of falling pregnant issues, considering I am heading towarsd 35 this year, eeekkk, but yay now I can cancel my appointment and just be pregnant instead.

I am due on September 21/22 depending on who you ask (fertility friend or the lovely midwife at the birthing centre) which is exciting because I had a mid winter baby last time as Dylan was born on 17th July, and this time I get a lovely spring newborn and a young baby in summer, oh so many bonds singies and short sleeved bodysuits. I know September isn't always warm but sometimes it is and if I go 10 or more dyas late like I did with Dylan then it will be an October baby even closer to Summer, he he he. As I was a winter baby I understand the winter party thing, no BBQs, no outdoors things, rain, cold, blah blah blah. Sadly Dylan will have this all his life but bubby number 2 hopefully will not. My most vivd negative winter birthday party memory was my fifth birthday party, I had a huge party and it was pouring with rain and people were coming in with wet presents, so wet I could see the presents before I opened them as the rain had soaked through the paper, so there was no surprises, sniff. It haunts me to this day. Oh and then my big 13 year old boy cousin stepped on and broke my best present that year which was a skipping rope with bells in the handles, the bells fell out before I even got to use it.

I made a booking at a birth centre this morning so my care would be my GP up until 12 weeks and then just midwives from then on. This is not my final decision about where I want to birth my baby but I wanted to make sure if I do choose this option that I could get a booking. My other option is to have a private Ob and go to a private hospital. The pros and cons are as follows:

PROS CONS

Birth Centre:

Free (ish) Only 2 nights in hosp

No intervention unless absolutely Not guaranteed I won't be bumped to a

necessary Public ward

I loved the midwives during Dylan's birth

Private Ob:

5 nights in hospital Higher rate of intervention

Private room Very expensive

Private Ob

So there you see my decision making is hard as they both have pros and they both have cons. Have to discuss with hubby fully.

Anyway I am excited about this baby very excited, although it is still really sinking in. A brother or sister for Dylan, he will be 3 and 2 months when bubs is born. A good age gap I think. Will be updating this diary more often as I want to record this pregnancy like I recorded Dylan's.