Friday, August 27, 2010

A beautiful intimate moment

Adelita in her Kozy sling preparing to go to sleep for her morning nap playing with my new teething bling, remembers I am here and gazes up at me and studies me for a bit and then smiles and keeps smiling while looking into my eyes, ah love love love.

Monday, August 16, 2010

I found my friend

I had this friend once. We met in high school. We went to an all girls catholic private school, weird considering we weren't catholic. We met in year 7 her name was Mary. But she left the school at the end of year 8 to go to a public co ed school. We still kept in contact though and I would quite often go to her house for sleepovers. As she is turkish she introduced me to turkish food yum, chocolate laxettes (if we ate too much turkish food), her brother (spunky) and strict parents (but they were always nice to me). I always had fun with her at her house. Although her house was only an average sized suburban brick veneer it seemed like a mansion to me and had things like ducted vacuum, airconditioning, tinted windows, brand new carpet, so I always thought her parents were really rich (they weren't they were just better off than us). One time me and our other friend Penny who I am still friends with went and had a sleepover at Mary's house. We ate lots of food, lots of rich food and watched scary movies, when we decided to go to bed I felt sick so I went and locked myself in the bathroom and threw up all over the bathroom I was mortified and hysterical but her mum came and helped me and helped me clean it up. Mary got into trouble as her parents thought we had raided their liquor cabinet. As if, we were only 13 we were more interested in junk food. I saw my first adult movie at Mary's house, it was her brothers he was about 10 years older than her.

When we were 17 she came out to me and it weirded me out because she was one of the first gay people I knew and I thought she would come on to me, of course she didn't. After I got over the initial shock I realised Mary was still Mary. So we kept hanging out. She moved out of home before me into the inner city (we lived in the burbs) and she got her license and a car before me so we hung out a lot and I would stay at her various places. We would eat and listen to Tori Amos and watch DAAS videos and talk. We had fun. When she came out to her parents they rejected her it was terrible. After a while though she told them she wasn't gay and they 'forgave' her, basically she was living a lie. She tried dating boys it didn't really work.

She was always changing jobs, starting courses and not finishing them and moving. She wanted to be a singer or actor and could sing and act but never really got the break she needed.

When we were in our early 20's we had a falling out. I was going with this great guy Rob, gorgeous blonde Rob who I adored. I was working at Pancake Parlour and living out of home and was at uni doing my degree. I was spending a lot of time with my boyfriend and my pannies friends. This put a lot of strain on my relationship with Mary she was quite possessive of me and would become jealous. She decided to enrol in a course at my uni and the day she went to enrol I asked her to do me a favour which was to drop in a change of subject form for me, (now if anyone hasx ever done one of these they can be a bit of nightmare, the scene from love and other catastrophes is the classic example), she did it but then called me to tell me how stressful it had been and to accuse me of using her and only contacting her when I needed something from her, it hindsight probably true at the time. She basically was telling me to get lost. It was sad but kinda had to happen. I unfortunately took it to the next level and did something pretty awful to her. After this she called me and accused me of this act which I denied. She then basically told me to F off and that was it, I was pretty shaken up but had brought it on myself.

So that was it friendship over.

That was more than 10 years ago, I have thought about her many, many times over these years and have wondered what she was doing and if she was happy. And she appears in my dreams over and over again. I obviously have a guilty conscience about the whole thing.

Her parents shop in the same supermarket as my mum and if I ever went with her I feared running into her or them.

When I joined facebook I tried searching for her to no avail. The other night I found her not on facebook but on a blog so I have read her blog and she is doing alright. She now has a daughter a little younger than Dylan. She has had a husband for 7 years but they are getting a divorce. Her life seems ok. I don't know whether to contact her or not. I need to clear my conscience and apologise or is knowing she is ok enough for me? Food for thought.

I was a terrible friend to her in the end, god I hope I am a better friend to my friends now.

Friday, August 6, 2010

Five months old already.



I cannot believe it the time is going so so fast. Another month gone already.
Things you have been doing this last month are really playing with toys well gripping them and shaking them around. You can hold your head up really well when doing tummy time or being held. You have just discovered raspberries and blow lots and they are messy. You already drool and spew heaps so there is a need for you to wear bibs all the time, lucky I got you some very stylish ones. You love the bath and when I lie you down in it you kick and throw your arms around and smile up at me, I can tell it is one of your favourite places to be, that and in mummy's arms. You may or may not have rolled from back to tummy yesterday I am sure I put you down on your back with a toy in your hand and I turned around to put something in your wardrobe and then you were on your tummy but my memory is sometimes not fabulous so I may have put you on you tummy to begin with, so I am waiting with baited breath to see you do it again. You are still pretty bald too with lots of comments about that, your brother definitely had more hair at your age and your little friend Evie has almost enough for a clip, but the consensus is that even though you are a baldy you are really very very pretty and have gorgeous eyes, many people have said that and I agree my little pretty girl.
We have been spending lots of time with your friend Evie which is lovely now that we live closer to Evie and Abi we can see them so much more and we go to their playgroup now which Dylan loves. Our week is very busy now as Dylan goes to two days of 3 year old kinder, one day of day care, one morning of music and we all go to playgroup so the weekends are a relief. But it is nice to get out and meet new people and see mine and Dylan's friends. We had Dylan's 4th birthday in the last month and it went down really well. Lots of pressies for our spoilt boy. A lovely cubby for Daddy to put up that Dylan and Adelita will both get use out of.
Anyway happy 5 months darling girl next month we will be starting solids, feel a bit sad about that, but that is for another day.