6 months old today, time is flying.

6 months old today my little beauty. How did we get her so quickly? Yesterday you were a newborn and today you are a baby that can do stuff.

I am so enraptured by you and your developing personality and your overall development as it seems to be happening oh so fast.

It seems like a few weeks ago you were still not really doing much then all of a sudden you did all of this stuff and are doing more every day. Like sitting, playing with your feet, new sounds you are making, more interaction with us. You like touching our faces and looking around at who you are sitting on it is so cute.

Today on your 6 month birthday you got up on hands and knees so I think crawling is just around the corner for you.

We started you on solids 2 weeks ago and so far you have tried pumpkin (loved), avocado (no thanks), broccoli (yuck), potato (nup), apple (you seem to like this), banana (maybe a bit sweet for you) and carrot (loved). I am just mashing stuff up for you at the moment and you can eat it quite well. But in a few weeks we are going to start baby led solids and so I will be giving you chunks of things to eat and see how you go. We skipped right past the rice cereal and purees and this is suiting you and me. I was going to start you on solids at exactly 6 months but a fortnight ago you were so ready for it so we gave it a go and have not looked back. At the moment you are having a milk feed in the morning and then some fruit about half an hour later and then some pumpkin or something for lunch. Next week we might try some porridge with fruit in it for brekky. Yum.

I had no plans of giving you a dummy Adelita but at 6 weeks I gave you one in the car cos you hated it so much and gradually it worked it's way inside and now you seem to be getting a bit more reliant on it to help you sleep. I would like to wean you off it but don't know when to start of how to start. I guess I could just take it away and have a few bad nights/days with you. I would much rather you use me as your dummy and your comfort. I do feed you to sleep every night and every afternoon nap time but a lot of the time as I am transferring you to your bassinet you tend to start opening your mouth for more boobie and so as I can't stay with you all night I usually pop your dummy in so will have to try and figure out a way of getting you to stop doing that. Ha! I only just weaned Dylan off his dummy at 4 and I don't want to be doing this with you.

Mummy has gone a bit overboard on clothes for you and has been feeling guilty about it. You really don't need as many clothes as I have bought you (actually if we didn't receive any hand me downs it would be just right, but as we did get hand me downs you have a bit too many clothes) so around the house you will be wearing your hand me downs and as we have a few parties and birthdays and events later in the year and earlier next year you will have lots of lovely things to wear to these. And I am going to sell some stuff and donate some too. Makes me feel a little less guilty.

Dylan has been enjoying playing with you Adelita as you are now more and more interactive and it delights him to make you smile and when you do things back. He is also excited for you when you can do something which isd very sweet. He loves his little sister.

I am sure there were many other things I wanted to say to you on this momentous day your half birthday but have forgotten them.

Love you always darling girl.

A beautiful intimate moment

Adelita in her Kozy sling preparing to go to sleep for her morning nap playing with my new teething bling, remembers I am here and gazes up at me and studies me for a bit and then smiles and keeps smiling while looking into my eyes, ah love love love.

I found my friend

I had this friend once. We met in high school. We went to an all girls catholic private school, weird considering we weren't catholic. We met in year 7 her name was Mary. But she left the school at the end of year 8 to go to a public co ed school. We still kept in contact though and I would quite often go to her house for sleepovers. As she is turkish she introduced me to turkish food yum, chocolate laxettes (if we ate too much turkish food), her brother (spunky) and strict parents (but they were always nice to me). I always had fun with her at her house. Although her house was only an average sized suburban brick veneer it seemed like a mansion to me and had things like ducted vacuum, airconditioning, tinted windows, brand new carpet, so I always thought her parents were really rich (they weren't they were just better off than us). One time me and our other friend Penny who I am still friends with went and had a sleepover at Mary's house. We ate lots of food, lots of rich food and watched scary movies, when we decided to go to bed I felt sick so I went and locked myself in the bathroom and threw up all over the bathroom I was mortified and hysterical but her mum came and helped me and helped me clean it up. Mary got into trouble as her parents thought we had raided their liquor cabinet. As if, we were only 13 we were more interested in junk food. I saw my first adult movie at Mary's house, it was her brothers he was about 10 years older than her.

When we were 17 she came out to me and it weirded me out because she was one of the first gay people I knew and I thought she would come on to me, of course she didn't. After I got over the initial shock I realised Mary was still Mary. So we kept hanging out. She moved out of home before me into the inner city (we lived in the burbs) and she got her license and a car before me so we hung out a lot and I would stay at her various places. We would eat and listen to Tori Amos and watch DAAS videos and talk. We had fun. When she came out to her parents they rejected her it was terrible. After a while though she told them she wasn't gay and they 'forgave' her, basically she was living a lie. She tried dating boys it didn't really work.

She was always changing jobs, starting courses and not finishing them and moving. She wanted to be a singer or actor and could sing and act but never really got the break she needed.

When we were in our early 20's we had a falling out. I was going with this great guy Rob, gorgeous blonde Rob who I adored. I was working at Pancake Parlour and living out of home and was at uni doing my degree. I was spending a lot of time with my boyfriend and my pannies friends. This put a lot of strain on my relationship with Mary she was quite possessive of me and would become jealous. She decided to enrol in a course at my uni and the day she went to enrol I asked her to do me a favour which was to drop in a change of subject form for me, (now if anyone hasx ever done one of these they can be a bit of nightmare, the scene from love and other catastrophes is the classic example), she did it but then called me to tell me how stressful it had been and to accuse me of using her and only contacting her when I needed something from her, it hindsight probably true at the time. She basically was telling me to get lost. It was sad but kinda had to happen. I unfortunately took it to the next level and did something pretty awful to her. After this she called me and accused me of this act which I denied. She then basically told me to F off and that was it, I was pretty shaken up but had brought it on myself.

So that was it friendship over.

That was more than 10 years ago, I have thought about her many, many times over these years and have wondered what she was doing and if she was happy. And she appears in my dreams over and over again. I obviously have a guilty conscience about the whole thing.

Her parents shop in the same supermarket as my mum and if I ever went with her I feared running into her or them.

When I joined facebook I tried searching for her to no avail. The other night I found her not on facebook but on a blog so I have read her blog and she is doing alright. She now has a daughter a little younger than Dylan. She has had a husband for 7 years but they are getting a divorce. Her life seems ok. I don't know whether to contact her or not. I need to clear my conscience and apologise or is knowing she is ok enough for me? Food for thought.

I was a terrible friend to her in the end, god I hope I am a better friend to my friends now.

Five months old already.

I cannot believe it the time is going so so fast. Another month gone already.

Things you have been doing this last month are really playing with toys well gripping them and shaking them around. You can hold your head up really well when doing tummy time or being held. You have just discovered raspberries and blow lots and they are messy. You already drool and spew heaps so there is a need for you to wear bibs all the time, lucky I got you some very stylish ones. You love the bath and when I lie you down in it you kick and throw your arms around and smile up at me, I can tell it is one of your favourite places to be, that and in mummy's arms. You may or may not have rolled from back to tummy yesterday I am sure I put you down on your back with a toy in your hand and I turned around to put something in your wardrobe and then you were on your tummy but my memory is sometimes not fabulous so I may have put you on you tummy to begin with, so I am waiting with baited breath to see you do it again. You are still pretty bald too with lots of comments about that, your brother definitely had more hair at your age and your little friend Evie has almost enough for a clip, but the consensus is that even though you are a baldy you are really very very pretty and have gorgeous eyes, many people have said that and I agree my little pretty girl.

We have been spending lots of time with your friend Evie which is lovely now that we live closer to Evie and Abi we can see them so much more and we go to their playgroup now which Dylan loves. Our week is very busy now as Dylan goes to two days of 3 year old kinder, one day of day care, one morning of music and we all go to playgroup so the weekends are a relief. But it is nice to get out and meet new people and see mine and Dylan's friends. We had Dylan's 4th birthday in the last month and it went down really well. Lots of pressies for our spoilt boy. A lovely cubby for Daddy to put up that Dylan and Adelita will both get use out of.

Anyway happy 5 months darling girl next month we will be starting solids, feel a bit sad about that, but that is for another day.

Breastfeeding Adelita

She loves it.
I love it.

We've been doing it from the moment she was born.

My body was made to do this.

I missed this with Dylan. I breastfed him but it was not the same as it is with my girl.

I lost my confidence in the hospital with terribly rough and unsympathetic midwives who forced him on me and told me my nipples were flat.

Second time around I had lovely midwives who let me do it myself and only helped if I asked. They gave me my confidence back by leaving me alone.

I don't remember what he did when he breastfed and what his face looked like or what noises he made and that breaks my heart.

I want to remember my girl and I feeding.

I want to do this forever but will try for two years. I lasted 19 months with Dylan but by then he was only having one feed in the morning.

We used nipple shields, EBM and formula with Dylan.

I have used only EBM with Adelita a couple of times.

Adelita has a breastfeeding face it is different to her everyday face. It is peaceful, relaxed and content.

Her noises range from that sculling noise, to slurping, to murmuring contently.

Oh and she does lots of lovely smiles at me when she pulls off the nipple sometimes leaving me exposed for all the world to see but I don't care. If she isn't smiling at me she studies me, my face.

I was so uptight about feeding Dylan if I did it in public which was rare I covered up. I don't do that anymore I try to be a bit discreet but not too much.

How sad that I was ashamed and embarassed by such a natural and essential thing.

I did still enjoy feeding Dylan despite some issues and I know he enjoyed it too because when I weaned him, he still wanted to keep going, I really should have let him dictate when he stopped but I am not going to beat myself up about it.

I am love love loving this and think Adelita does too.

Love my breastfeeding children.

Four months old.

Well my little beauty you are now four months old and today you discovered you can grab things off mummy or daddy and put them in your mouth or shake them around madly this is a skill you are loving, I can tell from the gleam in your eye when you are doing it and the look of pure concentration tells me it is not random but on purpose. I felt sad for you though when you hit your self in the head with a toy a couple of times and cried with shock that something so fun could also hurt you. Also anything we put near your mouth be it a toy a tissue my nose Dylan's hands you try to put them in your mouth. Daddy and I think you have been trying to say Mama too which gives me a great thrill, for Dada was your big brothers first word. I am loving the flirting you are doing with mummy too, it is happening mostly when you are in my arms after a feed you look at me and I make you smile and then you look away all coy and then look back all serious and I make you smile and it goes on and it is so so cute and special, I love it. I changed the pram over yesterday which made me feel a bit sad that you are growing up so fast so it is now the pusher and the bassinet has been put away not that you went in it much anyway my sling baby. It makes me sad not so much beacuse you are growing up quickly but more so that you may be my last baby and the baby stage is so fleeting. I must admit though I have been buying you clothes in a size 2 because I have many 0's and 1's so I am starting to get some cute things for you to grow into. Anyway that is enough of an update for now. Just wanted you to know that I adore you Adelita. PS I also adore you big brother Dylan.

3 Months old eeeeeeekkkkkkk.

Happy three months to my beautiful girl.. I cannot believe I have a three month old so soon and not a newborn anymore. A proper baby.

Adelita Evangeline you are adored by all of us and I am so in love with you my precious little doll. How I got a daughter I still don't know. I keep expecting someone to show up and claim that she is not mine.

Adelita you are smiling at us and cooing to us which I love. You can push up on your hands and look around you are quite the sitckybeak. You can also roll from front to back and like doing this you have a look of accomplishment on your face after you have rolled. You can look at your toys but are not quite ready to play with them. You love staring at your big brother in adoration following him around the room wherever he goes and he adores you too. He calls you darling and his Alita. You sleep pretty well although have recently discovered catnapping and so do this sometimes much to mummy's chagrin. You have most of your day sleeps in one of your slings which you do complain about getting in but once in you are in heaven. You spend the first part of the night in your bassinet and thn the next part of the night curled up in mummy's arms and attached to my boob. You love your milk and are a super feeder. You had a three month weigh in and now weigh 12 pd 9 which is so good. You are a big un. I think you will be a curvaceous beauty. There is still a debate about your hair colour I think it is dark brown but your daddy thinks it is auburn or stawberry, we will see. Your eyes though are most definitely blue. And you have very pretty long curled eyelashes. You love your flutterbug on your change table and chat and smile at it while getting changed which is cute. You also love to pull off my boob during a feed and flirt with me with those denim eyes or have a chat with me which I love.

I am mad about you my darling daughter and still cannot believe I have you my own little girl.

Photos soon.